Beaches. Beaches used to be my happy place. A place I loved to visit. The sight of the vast waters stretching to the horizon always made me calm whenever I was in a turmoil. Sometimes I went into the waters, sometimes I just sat in the shore and watched the waves. Well, I am sure this is nothing special. I am yet to see a person who doesn’t like beaches. But beaches have always been special for me. When I was a kid, my parents used to take me and my siblings to the beach once in a while. Apparently, when it was time to go back home I would tell them “can we wait for one more wave please? Just one last wave”. I have no memory of this, I was very little. But according to my parents, they would drag me home after several “last waves”.
There is a reason why I am suddenly writing about this. And why I said “used to be”. My favorite beach happened to be this beach close to my place. It also happened to be the beach which took my friend’s life. A friend who meant so much to me. Almost 4 months since he left us, and it still hurts. Now the beaches doesn’t hold any positive effect on me. Now it symbolizes his last breaths. His mother’s tears, in front of which I stand helpless. His family’s grief, which I can do nothing to lessen. The void in all of our lives, which can never be filled, not even with all the water in all the oceans in the world. And it symbolizes my grief, anger, guilt and regrets. The Four Horsemen of my own personal Apocalypse. Now the beach stands only as a reminder of what I and everyone else who was close to him lost.
Wherever you are now, we miss you. We miss you so bad and wish we could go back in time change what happened. And knowing you was a privilege. Thank you for all you have done and sorry for not being a better friend. Past three years, you made this day special for me. I wish I had told you how much it all meant to me. All that’s left now is the regret. And guilt and grief. And the one special friend I found only because of you.